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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 60
The Mafia Gazette Issue 60 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 29th November 'EDITOR KIDNAPPED ' At a few minutes before seven this morning three men ran into the Gazette offices in Chicago and kidnapped the Editor, CarmelaDeAgelis-Giunta, bundling her into the back of a van before driving off at speed to an unknown location. Mrs DeAngelis-Giunta was held in a small room for just under two hours with her captor speaking to her through a small slit in the door. The identity of the kidnapper is not yet known, but the low ransom and the early release without payment has puzzled Police. There appears to be no motive for the kidnapping since no money was collected and it might be that the kidnapper got scared after the ransom was posted in the streets and there was a public outcry over the incarceration of the Editor. Police are looking into a possible link with a recent shooting that took place nearly ending the life of the editor shortly after the death of her husband, Furio-Giunta. The details of the attack were hushed up and kept from the Gazette while investigations were talking place, however no suspects have been found for the shooting of the editor. By the time of the shooting, both suspects in the killing of Furio were dead, although there may be a link to the previous attempts on his life. If anyone has any information on the kidnapping, please contact the Gazette offices as soon as possible. 'A STATEMENT FOR EL DIVO ' For a few days now I have been attack by you and your fellow comrades. For every one of them days I have killed all that have attacked me bar from 1. At this very moment I stand with 10 EL Divo kills. 9 of which were from Whack-Back. In response to your statement in the papers yesterday I would like to correct and ask a few rhetorical questions for you and your ‘crew’. Do you not consider your actions to be at least the slightest bit childish? You come to the streets and announce how you are forbidding the access of 4 respectable Mafioso’s from entering a city that you do your business out of. The reasons for this are, I believe; that we were in Las Vegas at the same time that your money from the bank was robbed. And now you will call amends if you are reimbursed with 20 million dollars. As far as I can see, that is never going to happen. And as far as I am concerned it has only been me you have attacked, even when I haven’t been in Las Vegas. I love it how you have used deductive reasoning to pick the personnel you shall ban from what seems to be ‘your’ city. Many people over these past few weeks have lost millions from the bank robberies that have taken place. For instance, Soulseller, he lost $26 million. You don’t see him deductively deciding whom to take his anger out on. He took it like a real Mafioso… accepted the lost and what had happened, gutted, for sure. But took it like a real man; didn’t go to the streets pointing his finger at anyone and everyone who could have done it. But of course… you lot killed him… interesting… Let it be known also that I have only ever robbed a city bank once. At after doing it and seeing others loosing excessive amounts of there hard earned cash I decided not to do it any more. I believe just because I have a new button… doesn’t mean I should abuse it - Just because one can doesn’t always mean one should! And now moving on and regarding your comment about you; “request for rex-n8 to stay out of Vegas. He still did not comply, so we had to wage an attack on him that left him with near fatal wounds. He at that point ran from the city, this was a statement to him and anyone else we have asked to stay out that we mean business.” (Hope you don’t mind... but I altered it slightly too actually make it have punctuation and hence become actual sentences) My reply to this little statement is that you EL Divo… you seem to be a bit two faced and very vacillate. One minute I am on your ‘banned list’, then I ‘m off and then I ‘m back on. It’s all too much excitement being wanted then not; you’re going to leave me emotionally traumatized. I think you should just leave me on the list. I am very fond of the unproblematic and stress free kills. And also just to be correct I did not run from the city… I flew. Plus I was never at near fatal, ever. Not even after I came on to chat to you later that day, still with not perfect health and let one of your men have free 2 shots at me whilst I wrote into the admin forums about a possible glitch from which I noticed from one of your pleasant attacks earlier. Anyway that’s enough of my rambling… I’m hungry, am off to LV for one of their special steaks and a few hours on the slots, want to join me? Rex-n8 'DISGRACE, DISHONOUR, AND DISRESPECT ' By: Gazette Reporter It has come to the attention of this reporter that a grave injustice takes place in our society almost every day. “Random muggings”, you say? No. “Random wackings; that surely must be it!” No. “Bank robberies; the ultimate mugging on a grand scale!” No. “Untruths told in the streets?” Well, that is irritating, but once again, no. I am of course talking about the unvisited funerals of heroes in our community. “Surely not!”, you say, “I always take care to post at the funerals of my associates!” Well, I don’t think you do. This reporter has travelled far, from city to city in search of the truth, and the truth of the matter is that nobody posts at the funerals of... bodyguards. Yes, they are mercenaries. Yes, they would leave if you didn’t have the ability to pay. Their loyalty is purely to your wallet and not your soul, BUT... they are still loyal and they are still heroes. When a bullet is whistling through the air towards your chest, who do you think is going to launch themselves into the path to face death and stop that bullet? Your trusty bodyguard! This reporter thinks it is shameful that the community does not think enough of this valuable service to attend the funerals of these fallen heroes after they have made the ultimate sacrifice so that you may live. So next time you see a bodyguard gunned down in the streets protecting a valued member of our community I urge you to forgo the “dis” and instead demonstrate the grace, honour and respect to say a few words of condolence at his funeral to ease the pains of loss for his family. 'SEEKING THE TOP TEN MOST POPULAR MAFIOSI ' By: Pop4 Ladies and Gentlemen I am making a top10 of the most popular people in this Community. You can send me votes but you can’t vote for yourselves: you need to vote for another person. You can only vote once though, so make it count. If you want to vote MobMail me and I will be happy to accept your votes. I hope you are interested and if so, please send your votes in now. The results will be posted at the end of a week; so get voting for your favourite person! 'DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW ' Muggers…we all have our opinion about it…so here’s mine. I managed to earn my money without ever mugging anyone, why can’t you? I’ve had every person, that ever mugged me killed (expect that one guy, but he never showed his face around here again). I have paid more for a single hit on a mugger, than any mugger ever stole off my entire family line…combined. I use to carry one dollar on me…because I loved killing an occasional mugger. The thrill of watching people die, trying to get that buck amused me (apparently, some people’s lives are only worth a dollar). But alas, I was mugged of that dollar, twice. So now I keep all of my money in the bank. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to get my kicks somewhere else. My final thought…if you must mug me…don’t steal my pocket lint…I was planning on using that to knit MadDog a nice sweater for Christmas. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '